Anstey report

A lesson learned and a good message for us all to take on board plus hopefully pass onto our own kids -

I don't share many personal conversations with Ilsa (my fiancée), but wanted to share one we had early last season.

As a new head coach, I jumped head first into doing my best to be available to anyone in and around the club, no matter how big or small. I needed to become a better coach quickly, so lots of time went to, and still goes to that.

So as we argued about rarely being home one night when I walked in the door just before midnight, she said one thing that stopped me, and has stuck with me since. She said "you're spending so much time trying to keep everyone happy, you're not able to spend enough time with the people who you really need to be happy".

She was right. Any leadership role demands a lot. Coaching demands a lot. But I will be a father, husband and friend to a small group of people much longer than I'm a coach of any one team.

It's the whole 'putting the large rocks into the vase first and knowing there will always be room for the smaller rocks and the sand' cliche.

So I became better at prioritising. Family always comes first. I've become better at saying no - not because I don't want to, but because it is the right thing to do. I became a better father and partner. I think in doing so I'm also becoming a better coach.

My focus narrowed further to those really close to me - family, friends and team.

Our Tigers team is like an extended family with similar dynamics - we all like each other, we all want each other to do well, and to an extent we are all selfish in our preparation (which is good) but we have arguments, issues and situations that mean that everyone's not always happy.  That doesn't mean I dislike them, or think less of them, it means we need to spend more time working towards the best solution.

I see the same in kids today. So many kids get so caught up in trying to impress the wrong people that they miss out on spending time with the right people. Kids try to change who they are to fit in with a group they consider cool at that time.

Just like Steve and Dirk (who I wrote about last week) who dared to be different on a basketball court, difference in people is an amazing thing that should be embraced, not hidden to fit in.

I don't always agree with people, but I try my best to respect their opinions. I certainly respect uniqueness and difference in people, whether I like it or not.

Many of my best friends were people I respected for what they did, and I found myself gravitating towards them. Some of them say the same about me. But it was always respect that came before friendship, not vice versa.

It's hard to earn respect from people when you pretend to be somebody that you're not, and friendships born out of a charade are usually fleeting. It's the people you share a mutual respect, and the real you with, whether in sport, business or school, that will become lasting friends.

As one of the smartest people I know once said to me "I'd rather people dislike me for who I am than like me for who I'm not."

I couldn't agree more.