Never again

Watching Lucas just recently and how he often just wanders off without a care in the world when we are out, reminded me of the most frightening time I have ever had with any of the kids.

Any parent would be able to tell you that one of their greatest fears would be to lose their own child.

We were living in Albury at that time and Willam was about 3 and Jacob almost a year. Jemma was working and I took the 2 boys into do some groceries in town. We werent there very long as I only had a few things to get and preoceeded to the checkout. Jacob was in the stroller and William was walking. William asked me at the checkout if he could go and play on the Thomas train that was no more than a few metres from where I was standing, so I didnt mind. Jacob was obviously then eager to go and sit on it too with Will, so I unbuckled him and let him as long as he stayed with Will.

Around 20 seconds of me turning around to swipe my card, enter my pin and pay, was all it took for Jacob to totally disappear from my sight. At this point I left the stroller with the shopping, picked William up and asked him where Jacob had gone. He was so busy playing he had no idea. Now my heart was pounding and I had a great sense of dread that someone had taking my little boy and just walked off into the crowd. Even writing this right now makes me feel very uncomfortable.

After a few minutes (which felt like hours!) of charging up and down the mall with William in arm I was really starting to fear the worst. I rang Jem at work and in a flustered way explained the situation. Understandably she dropped everything and was on her way to help me, only being around the corner she could get there in a few minutes.

William was complaining of a severe stomach ache that I had no real time to talk to him about and it was only later when we found Jacob that he felt better and I realised he was feeling sick with anxiety for his little brother. He had picked up on my fear and was feeling very scared himself, beautiful boy.

Jacob had actually walked back into the grocery store through the entrance while I was paying and was looking for me as he couldnt see where I was. One of the ladies that worked there had picked him up and as he couldnt really tell her anything, was just waiting to see if anyone came forward before she made an announcement. She saw me pacing up and down with eyes wide open and asked if he was mine. I cant explain the overwhelming emotional relief I felt seeing him ok. I wrapped him up and kissed him furiously.

Jem met us just outside as we were getting in the car and both still shaking, we gave each other a huge hug, then she bundled Jacob up tightly. Apperently she had already called the police and they were on their way, hearing sirens in the distance.

I hope I never feel that horrible, sick panic I felt that day again. It was simply the most frightened I have ever been for any of their safety. 

Jakey-boy at 1 year